I know, I know! The above two words are what you call an oxymoron, if ever there was one! (For those who don’t know what that is, it is two words said together that are opposite in meaning, such as “he’s a big little guy”.)

If you have scabies and are reading this, I applaud you for your desire to find humor in everything. As a person who has fought scabies for almost a year, I have had much time to meditate on such humor, and I admit, scabies jokes are few, it seems. In fact, it almost seems sacrilegious to approach the subject. An internet search for scabies jokes only reveals the dour attitude of many scabies sufferers. But the saying is true: a merry heart does good, like a medicine. So read on, and, if you have scabies, follow the link at the end to find the scabies cure.

What do you call scabies at Christmastime?

  • A lousy way to spend Christmas!

What not to say to a person who has scabies:

Some things are just better not said to someone you know who has scabies, here is a list:

  • “How are you?” “Are you ok”
  • “This is insane!” (Even if you’re talking about something else)
  • “Little buggers”
  • “Good night”
  • “Good morning”
  • “Let’s get a bite to eat”
  • “hell” “purgatory” “torture” “Punishment” “death” “fire and brimstone” “devilish” “hellish”
  • “nightmare”
  • “Little imps”
  • “Creepy” or “Creepy crawly”
  • “Bloodsucking”
  • “happy”
  • “Don’t bug me!” or “That always bugs me”
  • “Scarred for life”
  • Temperamental words such as “bitchy” (it rhymes too much with itchy, and is unfortunately how many who have scabies feel, with or without the b in front).
  • Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite
  • “That really got under your skin, didn’t it?”
  • “Skin” or “skin care”
  • “infectious” even ‘her laughter was infectious’
  • Anything that starts with “sc” especially “scratch“, but includes, scar, scarred, scare, scared, or scary, scorpion, scandalous, scrape, scoop, score, scone, scope, Scott, ‘scape (or escape), school, scale, scrunch, screen, scoff, scream (includes ice cream, sounds too much like ‘I scream’), scowl, scorn, scan, Scooby, scour, scout, scram, scraping, scarf, scat, scrawl, scrub, scuff, scourge, screech, scoot, scorch, schedule, sciatic, Scandinavia, scalp, scald……….or any other word you can possibly think of that starts with ‘sc’ (please consult the dictionary).

What does one person who has scabies say to another?

  • Life’s an itch, isn’t it?

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